Roller Coaster in some Jokes

[avengel]

Why don't mothers wear watches?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}There's a clock on the stove.

[drpea]

What happened to the plant in mathematics class?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}It grew square roots.

[madmax]

One day, when this blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
This blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
This blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies: "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

[tori]

My older relatives often tease me at our family weddings: "Well, do you think you'll be next?"

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}We'll settled this quickly; once I've asked them the same question at our family funerals.

[denier]

What's the downside to bigamy?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}Having more than one mother-in-law.

[pink]

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

[romany]

How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}Nobody knows, it's never been done before.

[tinkerbell]

Two priests meet together on Saturday morning. Father Patrick tells Father Finn (from a neighbouring parish) his bicycle had been stolen. Father Finn says and asks: "Good heavens, have you reported this to the Police?" Father Patrick says: "Oh, gracious no, I don't have any witnesses". Father Finn suggests: "Recite the 10 commandments to your Sunday congregation. The one who blushes red when you quote the eighth commandment: 'You shall not steal' shall reveal the guilty culprit". They meet each other again on Monday morning. Father Finn asks: "Well, did my idea work?" Father Patrick tells him: "I only got to reciting commandment seven 'You shall not commit adultery', I suddenly remembered where I left my bike".

[ushas]

What do you call a dumb bunny?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}A hare brain.

[robo]

Twenty five true reasons to try and stay cheerful for modern living in the 2000's:

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your buddy, who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends, is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. when you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for 3 different companies.
9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with velcro.
10. Your résumé is on a diskette in your pocket.
11. You learn about your redundancy on the evening 11 o'clock news.
12. Your biggest loss from a pc system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.
13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
15. Board members salaries are higher than all the third world countries annual budgets combined.
16. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge, or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go to lunch with yours boots up.
19. Being sick is defined as "you can't walk, or you're in hospital".
20.There's no money in the budget for the 5 permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford 4 full-time mega paid management consultants, advising your boss's boss on strategy.
21. Your friends, relatives, and family, tries to describe your job as "working with computers".

And the clinchers are...
22. You read this entire list and kept nodding, and smiling.
23. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".
24. it crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you don't have time to check, so you forward it anyway.
25. you got this e-mail from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.

[lola ferrari]

Why did the atheist cross the road?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}So they could see both sides.

[lilith]

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}By becoming a ventriloquist!

[lia]

Bob Monkhouse said:

I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his car passengers.

[sindi]

What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}They are both so close to water!

[rads]

How do you know when your cat's finished cleaning them self?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}They're smoking a cigarette.