Roller Coaster in some Jokes

[blondie]

How many femmes does it take to change a tire?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}Two -- one to do it, and one to whinge about the grease on her skirt.

[blondie]

How can you tell whether a lesbian is butch or not?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}Because she rolls her own tampons and uses a kick start vibrator!

[blondie]

Another ...
A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband", she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife."No, no boyfriend neither".
"Do you have a partner then? "No, I'm unattached, I`ll be having the baby on my own".

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black".
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie.
The lead man was black".
"Oh, I`m very sorry," says the midwife, "that`s really none of my business and I`m sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions, but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair".
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"

"Oh, I`m sorry," the midwife repeats, "that`s really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes". "Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice".
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the rear. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank God for that!"
"What do you mean?!" says the midwife, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark". !!!!!

[blondie]

..another ..
What's in common with a tampon and Margaret Thatcher?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}They're both stuck up c#**ts!

[sassy]

This is (allegedly) a true story from the Microsoft Word help line. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired. However, the ex-employee is currently suing the Microsoft Word organization for "termination without cause." The following is an extract from the taped help desk telephone conversation leading up to the dismissal:

"Microsoft Word Technical Desk, may I help you?" "Yes, well, I`m having trouble with Microsoft Word."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It`s blank; it won`t accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in Microsoft Word, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What`s a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn`t any cursor; I told you, it won`t accept anything I type!"
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What`s a monitor?"
"It`s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV."
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it`s on?"
"I don`t know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it`s plugged into the wall."
"...Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it`s plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can`t reach it."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it`s not because I don`t have the right angle, it`s because it`s dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can`t."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there`s a power outage."
"A power...a power outage? Aha, okay. We`ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I`m afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you`re too stupid to own a computer"!!!

[trinity]

What was this Asian lesbian called?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}

Minge'eta.

[whitewolf]

A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail."Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits at the back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won`t get worms!"

[dieseldyke]

What do you call a lesbian with a long tongue?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}Darling

[barbie]

What kind of bee`s do you get milk from?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}Boob-bees !

[sassy]

This spoiled rich teenaged girl pushes her BMW into nearby service station.

She tells this mechanic: "It died".
He works on this for three minutes, and car idling smoothly again.
She asks him: "What's the story?"
He replies: "Just krap in the carburettor."
She says: "How often do I have to do that?"

[art]

This young woman, during her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet.
Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went into the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden *spoon*. Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realised she was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, her mother said: "You mean, lesbian?"
"Well... yes."
Still without looking up: "Does that mean lick women down below?"

Caught off guard, this young woman eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon her mother turned to her and, brandishing the wooden *spoon* threateningly under her nose, snapped: "Don't you ever complain about my cooking again!"

[romany]

How do you confuse a male archeologist?

SPOILER: Click to show

{Click here to show/hide}Give him a tampon and ask what period this came from!

[sapphire]

There are still 9 out of 5 people that still don't know their fractions.

[kazza]

A woman goes into the chip shop looks down the menu on the board and says " I'll have
pissholes and chips please" the shop owner says " Thats not a "p" its an "r"....ok she says I'll
have r.soles and chips then" !

[trinity]

A woman walks into the dentists, takes her knickers off and sits on the chair with a leg over each arm. "Madam, I believe this is some sort of mistake" says the dentist, "The gynaecologist is on the next floor" "No mistake", replies the woman. "Yesterday you put in my husbands new dentures. Today you're going to take them out"