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Post by atm on Jul 25, 2012 16:07:26 GMT
What's the difference between a tragedy and a cow? {Click here to show/hide}Nobody in Liverpool knows how to milk a cow.
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Post by sapphire on Jul 25, 2012 16:09:49 GMT
Man takes a new pair of shoes back to the shoeshop and complains there is a lace missing. "No" argues the assistant, "look at the label, it says Taiwan".
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Post by mercedes on Nov 26, 2013 15:59:03 GMT
A woman goes to her Doctor and says: "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina." The Doctor had a peep, chuckled and said: "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they are stickers off the bananas!"
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Post by northernstar on Dec 13, 2013 16:49:31 GMT
What does a Wonderbra and the North Korean government have in common? {Click here to show/hide}They both oppress the inhabitants, deceive the outsiders and erect fallen monuments.
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Post by vixen on Dec 13, 2013 17:00:56 GMT
What does a dwarf get when he runs between a woman's legs? {Click here to show/hide}A clit around his ear and a flap across his face.
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Post by ushas on Dec 13, 2013 17:20:55 GMT
I start a new job in Seoul next week. {Click here to show/hide}I thought this was a good Korea move.
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Post by zodiac on Dec 13, 2013 17:31:41 GMT
Archaeologists have just announced the discovery of another tomb in the Valley of the Kings near Luxor in Egypt. After excavating the burial chamber, they found the mummified remains of one, perfectly preserved, human being. Unusually, instead of being wrapped in cloth, the body was completely encased in fine chocolate. Egyptologists announced they have found the body of Pharaoh Rocher.
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Post by raven on Dec 13, 2013 17:57:28 GMT
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a Dane, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Slovak, an Australian, an Egyptian, a New Zealander, a Japanese, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Uzbek, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Israeli, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Liechtensteiner, a Moldovan, a Syrian, an Aruban, a Mongolian, a Portuguese, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Cook Islander, a Norfolk Islander, a Haitian, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Tajikistani, an Armenian, an Albanian, a Samoan, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Belarusian, a Qatari, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Cuban, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and two Africans walk in front, and outside this fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry", says this bellboy: "but you all cannot come in here without a Thai".
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Post by buffy on Dec 13, 2013 18:23:24 GMT
Two twins walk into a bar. {Click here to show/hide}You would think one of them would have seen it.
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Post by denier on Dec 13, 2013 19:10:54 GMT
This 75 year old Lady makes a telephone call at her local NHS hospital and this conversation followed: "Hello I'd like some information about a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?" "Do you know which ward she is in?" "Yes, ward P, room 2B, I'll just put you through to the ward sister" "Hello, ward P, how can I help you?" "I would just like some information about a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?" "I'll just check her case notes for you. I'm pleased to tell you that Mrs Tiptree's condition has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow." "Oh that is wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!" "You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?" "No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2B. Nobody tells me f**k all in here"
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Post by eowyn on Dec 13, 2013 19:23:33 GMT
I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a bread loaf. {Click here to show/hide}The birds were all over me.
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Post by northernstar on Dec 31, 2013 1:41:18 GMT
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Post by indigo on Oct 8, 2014 20:31:28 GMT
Why did the tomato blush? {Click here to show/hide}They saw the salad dressing.
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Post by atm on Oct 19, 2014 15:21:31 GMT
Late one afternoon, a Vicar was driving along a country road and crashed. This Farmer stopped and asked, "Sir, are you okay?" The Vicar said, "Yes, I had the Lord riding with me." The Farmer said, "Well, you better let him ride with me because you're going to kill him."
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Post by vixen on Oct 26, 2014 11:24:11 GMT
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
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