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Post by raven on Sept 16, 2018 13:24:16 GMT
What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a Martini? {Click here to show/hide}"Olive or Twist?" |
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Post by hotgirl on Sept 19, 2018 19:26:16 GMT
On a tour of Scotland, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the North coast near Aberdeen on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope mobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland.
They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing an English football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty-foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Scottish football tops roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harthingy into the shark`s ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Englishman from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the speedboat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore.
It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Scotland and England, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow." He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harp-oonist asked the others, "Who was that???!"
"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God`s wisdom."
"Well," the harp-oonist replied, "he knows f#*k all about shark hunting. How`s that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"![[rofl]](//storage.proboards.com/188242/images/0KSFvziemBmEoATKctLS.gif)
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Post by guinevere on Jul 25, 2019 22:17:36 GMT
What do you call a lesbian brothel? {Click here to show/hide}Horlicks ![[rasp]](//storage.proboards.com/188242/images/En0bgsIiyRdIqixgJUsB.gif) |
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Post by tiffany on Jul 25, 2019 23:17:55 GMT
Mary had a little lamb, She kept the thing alfresco, Until one day she found it in, A chicken pie from Tesco. ![[giggle]](//storage.proboards.com/188242/images/kywaRW0TUyKMYGQzsWyn.gif) |
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Post by cerridwen on Dec 24, 2019 3:02:38 GMT
I heard in the news that a midget psychic escaped from prison... {Click here to show/hide}The police say a small medium is at large  |
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Post by tori on Feb 29, 2020 15:22:49 GMT
I was reading in the newspaper today about this midget that got pick pocketed. {Click here to show/hide}How could anyone stoop so low!  |
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Post by tori on Mar 7, 2020 11:17:00 GMT
What does a lesbian want for Christmas more than anything else? {Click here to show/hide}A brand new carpet to munch on. |
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Post by lilly on Aug 7, 2020 12:46:51 GMT
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? {Click here to show/hide}See you next month!  |
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Post by sonico on Aug 7, 2020 13:32:05 GMT
A teacher in school asks what kids would like to be when the grow up.
David says he would like to be covered in gold so he could pull a bit off and use it to buy a new car.
Mike says he would like to be covered in platinum, so when he pulls a bit off, he could buy two new cars.
Johnny said he would like to be covered in pubic hair.
"Why would you like to be covered in pubic hair Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Well my sister has only a little bit, but there are always loads of nice cars outside our house".
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Post by minx on Aug 7, 2020 19:25:49 GMT
A lesbian couple I know can't afford the double headed dildo they want. {Click here to show/hide}They're really struggling to make ends meet. |
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Post by aphrodite on Mar 12, 2021 9:19:41 GMT
What does a dyke think the string on the end of a tampon is for? {Click here to show/hide} | For flossing afterwards. | |
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Post by seven on Mar 23, 2021 18:28:15 GMT
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? {Click here to show/hide}He pasta way! ![[scarey]](//storage.proboards.com/188242/images/RuiPVTLQpeBjbcvaWPkm.gif) |
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Post by lita on Mar 27, 2021 22:50:26 GMT
Have you heard about this new lesbian style of running shoe: The Dykee? {Click here to show/hide}Has an extra long tongue and only takes one finger to get it off. |
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Post by seven on Mar 30, 2021 18:12:53 GMT
Ikea have just invented a new bed specifically designed for lesbians. {Click here to show/hide}There is no screwing involved, just some tongue and groove. |
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Post by artemis on Mar 31, 2021 8:41:10 GMT
conjunctivitis.com {Click here to show/hide}There's a website for sore eyes. ![[shocked]](//storage.proboards.com/188242/images/s0CyuCIgTmqZiSyAdbUX.gif) |
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![[rofl]](http://storage.proboards.com/188242/images/0KSFvziemBmEoATKctLS.gif)
![[rasp]](http://storage.proboards.com/188242/images/En0bgsIiyRdIqixgJUsB.gif)
![[giggle]](http://storage.proboards.com/188242/images/kywaRW0TUyKMYGQzsWyn.gif)
![[scarey]](http://storage.proboards.com/188242/images/RuiPVTLQpeBjbcvaWPkm.gif)
![[shocked]](http://storage.proboards.com/188242/images/s0CyuCIgTmqZiSyAdbUX.gif)