Post by uillean on Jun 8, 2022 20:37:52 GMT
A crossword compiler from Crewe - had never sex it was true - so she tried a young woman - in the back of a van - but sadly she hadn't a clue.
Here we are for your final farewell - for your journey to heaven or hell - but we won't keep you long - just a prayer and a song - 'cos we think you're beginning to smell !
She stared at the waxwork and thought - the likeness was perfectly caught - which was certainly proved - when it suddenly moved - and asked for the ticket she'd bought.
They say sex when you're old is still fun - just as long as you walk and don't run - but it comes as a shock - when you're still in one sock - and find things have already begun.
I brought home a brand new tv - and switched on but nought could i see - now here comes the rub - when bought in a pub - you don't get a year's guarantee.
There's an old womman from west Galashiels - who's a victim of silly ideals - for she used to mend shoes - till she heard on the news - about the shortage of fresh sole and eels.
Lots of oxygen's good for the brain - for without it one could go insane - and there is no disguise - for the look in the eyes - when one's health has gone right down the drain.
There was a young woman from Caerphilly - with a rubber member enormously silly - all the les femmes would queue - just to get a good view - as she flashed it about willy-nilly.
Welsh farmers are known to like sheep - though not in the style of bo peep - they're hands-on it seems - which leads to sweet dreams - 'cos the exercise helps them to sleep.
Young Tommy loved wearing things frilly - and thought his apendage looked silly - so he changed his whole life - with a very sharp knife - and now he's not Tommy, he's tilly.
An old stripper from east of Dijon - just refused to believe youth had gone - when her clothes hit the floor - so did every woman's jaw - but they cheered when she put them back on.
A young gardener from Bennington rise - had great trouble adjusting her bra fly - all the judges concurred - that her marrows came third - while the gardener herself won first prize.
There was an old drunk from Kilblane - who wandered for miles in the rain - her hat it did shrink - which then made her think - that her head was now too small for her brain.
"May I ask if you'd like the next dance?" - said the old woman with the very strange stance - but the girl shook her head - and then quite sweetly said, "with those two wooden legs not a chance!"
An old inuit hooker named belle - hit her head on the ice when she fell - on her funeral day - the church bell had to play - to the rhythm of "eskimo nell".
There once was a sculptor named Phideous, whose sculptures by most were thought hideous, he carved aphrodite, without even a nightie, which shocked all the fussy fastidious.
There was a young girl from Rabat, who had triplets, nat, pat and tat; it was fun in the breeding, but hell in the feeding, when she found she had no tit for tat.
A young schizophrenic named Struther, who learned of the death of his brother, said, "I know that its bad, but I don't feel too sad. after all, I still have each other".
There was a young lady named Rose, who had a large wart on her nose. when she had it removed, her appearance improved, but her glasses slipped down to her toes.
There's a wonderful family called Stein: there's Gert, Ep and there's Ein - Gert's poems are bunk, Ep's statues are junk, and no one can understand Ein.
There was a young fellow called Binn, who was so excessively thin, that when he essayed to drink lemonade, he slipped through the straw and fell in.
There once was a leprecahn named Jimp, who noticed that he had a limp, he’d got a peg leg, ended up with the plague and unfortunately died eating shrimp.
There once was a girl from Kalloon, who wanted to ride a balloon, she went to the sun and and burnt her bum, and now she looks like a baboon.
There once was an old man from Gosham, who took out his false teeth to wash em, his wife said 'o' Jack, if you dont put 'em back, I’ll tread on the b***ers and squash 'em.
There once was a man from Peru, who had a lot of growing up to do, he'd ring a doorbell, then run like hell, until the owner shot him with a .22
Here we are for your final farewell - for your journey to heaven or hell - but we won't keep you long - just a prayer and a song - 'cos we think you're beginning to smell !
She stared at the waxwork and thought - the likeness was perfectly caught - which was certainly proved - when it suddenly moved - and asked for the ticket she'd bought.
They say sex when you're old is still fun - just as long as you walk and don't run - but it comes as a shock - when you're still in one sock - and find things have already begun.
I brought home a brand new tv - and switched on but nought could i see - now here comes the rub - when bought in a pub - you don't get a year's guarantee.
There's an old womman from west Galashiels - who's a victim of silly ideals - for she used to mend shoes - till she heard on the news - about the shortage of fresh sole and eels.
Lots of oxygen's good for the brain - for without it one could go insane - and there is no disguise - for the look in the eyes - when one's health has gone right down the drain.
There was a young woman from Caerphilly - with a rubber member enormously silly - all the les femmes would queue - just to get a good view - as she flashed it about willy-nilly.
Welsh farmers are known to like sheep - though not in the style of bo peep - they're hands-on it seems - which leads to sweet dreams - 'cos the exercise helps them to sleep.
Young Tommy loved wearing things frilly - and thought his apendage looked silly - so he changed his whole life - with a very sharp knife - and now he's not Tommy, he's tilly.
An old stripper from east of Dijon - just refused to believe youth had gone - when her clothes hit the floor - so did every woman's jaw - but they cheered when she put them back on.
A young gardener from Bennington rise - had great trouble adjusting her bra fly - all the judges concurred - that her marrows came third - while the gardener herself won first prize.
There was an old drunk from Kilblane - who wandered for miles in the rain - her hat it did shrink - which then made her think - that her head was now too small for her brain.
"May I ask if you'd like the next dance?" - said the old woman with the very strange stance - but the girl shook her head - and then quite sweetly said, "with those two wooden legs not a chance!"
An old inuit hooker named belle - hit her head on the ice when she fell - on her funeral day - the church bell had to play - to the rhythm of "eskimo nell".
There once was a sculptor named Phideous, whose sculptures by most were thought hideous, he carved aphrodite, without even a nightie, which shocked all the fussy fastidious.
There was a young girl from Rabat, who had triplets, nat, pat and tat; it was fun in the breeding, but hell in the feeding, when she found she had no tit for tat.
A young schizophrenic named Struther, who learned of the death of his brother, said, "I know that its bad, but I don't feel too sad. after all, I still have each other".
There was a young lady named Rose, who had a large wart on her nose. when she had it removed, her appearance improved, but her glasses slipped down to her toes.
There's a wonderful family called Stein: there's Gert, Ep and there's Ein - Gert's poems are bunk, Ep's statues are junk, and no one can understand Ein.
There was a young fellow called Binn, who was so excessively thin, that when he essayed to drink lemonade, he slipped through the straw and fell in.
There once was a leprecahn named Jimp, who noticed that he had a limp, he’d got a peg leg, ended up with the plague and unfortunately died eating shrimp.
There once was a girl from Kalloon, who wanted to ride a balloon, she went to the sun and and burnt her bum, and now she looks like a baboon.
There once was an old man from Gosham, who took out his false teeth to wash em, his wife said 'o' Jack, if you dont put 'em back, I’ll tread on the b***ers and squash 'em.
There once was a man from Peru, who had a lot of growing up to do, he'd ring a doorbell, then run like hell, until the owner shot him with a .22
